What I Did When My Entire Adult Life Felt Like Shit
Hint: It Didn't Include Crying Myself to Sleep
My second marriage had just imploded.
We were living in the tropical paradise of Hawaii, but even that wasn’t enough to save our angry and fractured relationship.
That marriage had cost me dearly - my self-confidence, my feeling of self-worth, some of my friends, my relationship with my family. Maybe most importantly, it cost me my pride and my own faith in myself.
A Return to Familiarity
I arrived back in Georgia at 42 years old with the sum total of my life fitting into 7 boxes and moved in with a friend.
It was probably the lowest point of my life.
I remember thinking these exact words:
“My entire adult life has been shit.”
Now, it makes me shake my head in sadness.
Up until that point in my life, my go-to responses for this type and breadth of adversity would have been anger, self-pity, blaming others, and lashing out.
It was a pattern so ingrained, I never even thought about it.
Honestly, I don’t know what changed that time. Somehow, without me even being aware of it, I chose a different path.
Maybe I was just tired.
An Unexpected Awakening
My anger turned into an “It happened. Now I have to find a way to frame it. And I have to accept that I was wrong” philosophy.
My lashing out turned into “I’m not the only going through something. People are doing the best they can with what they have.”
My blaming turned into, “They tried to tell you. Over and over. You chose not to listen. This isn’t their fault.”
My self-pity turned into, “You made your choice and you got what you got. Now, you made a different choice and it’s up to you what happens with this.”
Finally, A Healing
I think it was because I, myself, extricated myself from a very toxic situation. And that gave me courage. And then it gave me the space to heal.
And that space gave me the option to make different choices. To start trusting myself again. To have faith in my own judgment.
Those different choices have led to a different life. A life so much better, I hardly recognize it.
This is what I want for every single person who has experienced or is currently experiencing adversity in any form.
I know it’s possible for you if you want it, because it happened to me. I am incredibly grateful for this rich, full life I get to lead every day.
Does any of this resonate with you? If so, please drop a comment below and let me know. I’d love to hear from you!
With love. ❤️ Alissa