What Not To Do When You've Been Betrayed


I posted a question a few months about betrayal and how we deal with it.

I got a whole, wide range of responses that literally ran the gamut of human emotion.

Some people said they tried to look at it through the eyes of the other person in hopes of understanding and perhaps, reconciliation.

Some said they had conversation with the other person to find out why they did what they did.

Some said they walk away and never speak to the other person again.

I’ve done all three of these (and probably a few more interesting variations…)

I’ve found that the one that just never quite seems to work is walking away and never speaking to the other person again. Believe me, it became my go-to for a long time.

Here’s why it doesn’t work:

It fuels your hurt and anger and turns you into a brittle version of yourself, always on guard, and always waiting for the next shoe to drop. As I got further along in my journey of self-awareness, my go-to check-in became if my thoughts or actions made me feel small or mean, it was time to recalibrate.

In distancing yourself, you’re eliminating the possibility of finding good, kind people to draw into your circle. This just reinforces your (faulty) belief that no one can be trusted. That’s simply not true. The world is full of wonderful people.

You’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you’re angry and hurt, that energy attracts more of the same. You’re literally calling the wrong people and situations to you. If you don’t change the energy you put out in the world, you will continue indefinitely in this cycle of hurt and anger.


Know that you matter and you’re entitled to all of your feelings. You don’t have to believe me yet. But please leave space for considering the possibilities.

In the meantime, your feedback is so important to me. Please hit reply and tell me how this post made you feel.



Sending you all so much love.

❤️ Alissa


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