Now, Darlin', Don't You Worry, Everything's Gonna Be Just Fine...and Other Lies We Tell
How many times have you heard these words:
“Oh, just you wait and see, everything’s going to be just fine.”
“It could always be worse, you know.”
Oh, well, what are you going to do? Life’s just like that sometimes.”
Or some variation of the above.
Platitudes. All of them.
I don’t know about you, but they used to make me want to scream.
They don’t help. They don’t offer comfort. They don’t provide direction or guidance.
They’re fillers for when people don’t know what to say or how to help.
The thing about me and others like me - we dig in deep. We feel everything so intensely that when an issue crops up, we need soulful interaction to help us manage it.
If the significant people in our life don’t share our intensity, they won’t be able to offer the depth of interaction we need. So, they offer platitudes like the ones above.
Here’s the first part of my message for today.
And it might sound contradictory. But stay with me.
Here it is. You can’t be mad at people for being who they are.
I have little doubt that the important people in your life truly do love you and want the best for you. And I’d be willing to bet they already are offering the best they have.
This quote has always helped me manage my feelings around this topic and I hope it will help you, too:
“Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have.”
It's powerful, isn't it? So, what can you do?
Here’s the other part of my message for you today:
Most important of all, don’t compound whatever the issue is by adding anger to the mix. Yes, I know it’s frustrating when you want real guidance and what you receive is not that, but believe me when I tell you that getting angry at the people who love you is NOT the answer. They are doing the best they can.
Put a boundary around your issue so you don’t fall into the temptation to generalize or catastrophize. Remember, a bad day does not equal a bad life. This is some serious mindset work, but it will improve the quality of your life dramatically.
This point is very important. Every answer you want and need is already inside you. I know that may sound woo woo and you may not believe it, but I swear it’s true. So, here’s how to access it.
Write, write, write, write, write. Get out your journal or a notebook or a piece of paper. Write down everything you can about your issue.
Don't censor yourself. Don't edit. And don't read it over. Just get it out and down.
The facts as you interpret them, your feelings, the outcome you want to see. The steps to getting there as they currently appear to you.
I’ve said it before - don’t hold back. This is for your eyes only and after you’ve had time to settle, it will, in all likelihood, provide the guidebook to address whatever has happened.
One last thought: Don’t give up in your search for the right confidant. We all deserve those one or two people in our lives that truly “get” us and are not intimidated by our intensity.
Yours is out there. Pay attention to your energy and intuition when you interact with people. That will guide you to your tribe, just like it guided you to me.
One important caveat: Your tribe will not be big. Count yourself incredibly lucky if you find 3 people you can truly talk to. I think most of us only get one or two.
How did this resonate with you? Please hit reply and let me know.
Sending you all so much love.