What To Do When You've Been Betrayed
It's easy to put up a wall and walk away when you've been betrayed. But that's not always the best response. While I think it’s important to explore all the sides and angles of the topic, I tend to want to stay on the positive and hopeful side.
In that spirit, below are a few strategies that might help you to work through a betrayal without getting mired in your grief and allowing the experience to poison all aspects of your life.
1. Containerize it. Many of us have a tendency to dramatize events. “Oh, my God. I put too much creamer in my coffee. That’s it. The whole day is going to be shit now.” See what I mean? A bad event doesn’t equal a bad life. To containerize a betrayal, try this:
Every day for 3 days in a row, pick a block of 1 hour (or two blocks of 30 minutes) where you will be alone and uninterrupted. Set your timer. This is your time to grieve in any way you want. Scream, cry, punch pillows, curse like a sailor. Get out your journal and write every evil, vile thing you can think of. (With this caveat: don’t ever hurt yourself or anyone else.)
The point is to;
a.) rid yourself of the poison and b.) don’t censor yourself.
When your timer goes off, STOP. Stand up tall and square your shoulders. Take a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. Then take 3 more. Brush your hands together several times, and say this out loud. “I’m DONE.” Feel that sensation very deeply.
Next time your brain tries to “go there”, (oh, and it will), just say to yourself, “Oh, no, I don’t have to do that anymore. I’m DONE.” Again, allow yourself to feel that deep sensation of finality.
2. Don't overanalyze
Resist the urge to rewrite the event. When things happen that don’t make sense to us, we try to make them make sense.
“I’m sure he didn’t mean it the way it came out.”
“She must have had a reason to say that.”
“H/she just wasn’t thinking.”
Here’s a secret that will help your mindset tremendously. It’s not your job to figure out the secret meaning behind others’ words or actions. Don’t waste your precious brainpower trying to figure out the inner workings of someone else's mind. Just accept it.
I want you to practice saying just one word when others’ choices and actions make you scratch your head.
I promise that getting to the place where you just accept people’s eccentricities and puzzling behavior will give you enormous peace.
4. Do something counterintuitive
Balance the scales. When someone hurts us, our first instinct is to run off into the corner and lick our wounds.
I encourage you to try something different. Reach out to a friendly stranger. There must be one or two people in your FB groups who have written posts that resonated with you.
Yes, the internet can be a strange and scary place, but it is also a cornucopia of lovely, kind people just waiting to receive your friend request or Messenger message.
When you balance the bad with some good, it sets the world straight again. Most importantly, it will silence the voice in your head telling you that the world is not safe and you can’t trust anyone.
Do any of these suggestions resonate with you? Did you find them of value? Please bit reply and share your thoughts!
Wishing you all so much love.