It's Okay to Take Some Help Sometimes
I have an anxiety disorder.
For me, anxiety feels like a lifetime of raw nerve endings. Something was always painfully jabbing at me. Never allowing me any peace. Never allowing a thought to stay in my head.
Reminding me that my entire adult life had been shit.
I wrote a post about that a while ago.
I talked about how, at 42 years old and in the wake of the implosion of my second marriage, I truly felt that my entire adult life had been shit.
It was a terrible place to be. It's what an anxiety disorder will gleefully do to you.
It changed when I accepted some help.
In fact, everything changed.
I was sitting in my doctor's office, with my chin trembling and tears forming in my eyes, saying to her, "I'm okay. Everything's okay."
Clearly, it wasn't.
I am forever grateful to her for caring enough to see my extreme distress beyond the mask I showed her.
Her next words literally changed my life.
"Alissa, it's okay to take some help sometimes."
I thought I had to just keep being strong. That's what I'd always done.
Plus, I thought it was my fault, so I wasn't really entitled to the help.
But here's a universal truth that I discovered: Sometimes, strength is weakness and vulnerability is strength.
That was one of the times.
I accepted the help, in the form of a prescription for Lexapro, an anti-anxiety medication.
Within 4 days, my entire life changed. And I'm not being dramatic.
The psychic pain stopped.
My thoughts unjumbled.
The continual inner trembling ceased.
I felt like I could breathe and think again.
I felt calm, for perhaps the first time in years...maybe ever.
And it was in that space, where all that terrible negativity lived for so long, that my true growth began.
Today, my approach to life is much kinder and gentler. I learned to like myself, in all my glorious imperfections.
More importantly, I think that I'm a good person. I care deeply about others, I want to help when I can, and I truly wish everyone well.
None of this would have been possible if I'd held on to that "strength" and said no to that help.
So, here's my advice to you for today:
Allow yourself to be vulnerable sometimes. You might find a greater strength than you could have ever imagined.
Sending you all so much love.