I Just Have No Clue...and I'm Totally Okay With That

I’ve been having an ongoing conversation with one of my Facebook friends.

She asked me a series of questions about my “business”, my “pillar idea”, and my “offer”.

I couldn’t answer any of them. Because I simply have no clue.

I don’t even feel like I have a “business”. And I certainly don’t have a pillar idea or an offer.

And here’s the weird thing. I’m totally okay with that.

Because I know that I am becoming. And I know in my heart of hearts that all of this will be revealed to me at the right time.

Until then, I wait patiently and without worry, secure in my certainty.

And let me tell you, that’s a fucking weird state of affairs for me,.

I do not sit idly by and wait. I freak out. I go. I grasp. I plead, I cajole. I settle.

It’s who and what I’ve always been.

Panicking at the idea of not having everything together.

Before this process began, I would have felt deeply inadequate at my friend’s line of questioning.

Not because she said anything wrong. But because I didn’t have the answers for her.

And I HAVE to have all the answers. It’s the only way I feel competent and in control.

I’ve always been the go-to girl. The one with all the answers.

Well, I’m giving that girl up. I’m retiring her. She wears me out.

And I feel emotions that aren’t healthy for me when she’s in charge.

You know what? Not knowing everything is okay. It gives me anticipatory tingles and I kind of like that.

Now, I’m not clueless and living in a fantasy world.

The reality of all this woo-woo shit is that I still have to earn a living. Unfortunately, I haven’t found the ever-elusive money tree quite yet.

But I’m okay for now. I don’t have to figure everything out today.

I don’t have to know everything.

I’ve got some ideas I’m implementing. I’m considering some more.

And I’m also applying for jobs.

I’ve got it covered.

And I’m not freaking out. I wish I could explain what an emotional triumph that is for me.

Let’s just suffice it to say that I love becoming. I highly recommend it.

Sending you all so much love,

❤️ Alissa

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