I Just Have No Clue...and I'm Totally Okay With That
I’ve been having an ongoing conversation with one of my Facebook friends.
She asked me a series of questions about my “business”, my “pillar idea”, and my “offer”.
I couldn’t answer any of them. Because I simply have no clue.
I don’t even feel like I have a “business”. And I certainly don’t have a pillar idea or an offer.
And here’s the weird thing. I’m totally okay with that.
Because I know that I am becoming. And I know in my heart of hearts that all of this will be revealed to me at the right time.
Until then, I wait patiently and without worry, secure in my certainty.
And let me tell you, that’s a fucking weird state of affairs for me,.
I do not sit idly by and wait. I freak out. I go. I grasp. I plead, I cajole. I settle.
It’s who and what I’ve always been.
Panicking at the idea of not having everything together.
Before this process began, I would have felt deeply inadequate at my friend’s line of questioning.
Not because she said anything wrong. But because I didn’t have the answers for her.
And I HAVE to have all the answers. It’s the only way I feel competent and in control.
I’ve always been the go-to girl. The one with all the answers.
Well, I’m giving that girl up. I’m retiring her. She wears me out.
And I feel emotions that aren’t healthy for me when she’s in charge.
You know what? Not knowing everything is okay. It gives me anticipatory tingles and I kind of like that.
Now, I’m not clueless and living in a fantasy world.
The reality of all this woo-woo shit is that I still have to earn a living. Unfortunately, I haven’t found the ever-elusive money tree quite yet.
But I’m okay for now. I don’t have to figure everything out today.
I don’t have to know everything.
I’ve got some ideas I’m implementing. I’m considering some more.
And I’m also applying for jobs.
I’ve got it covered.
And I’m not freaking out. I wish I could explain what an emotional triumph that is for me.
Let’s just suffice it to say that I love becoming. I highly recommend it.
Sending you all so much love,