I Just Have No Clue...and I'm Totally Okay With That



I’ve been having an ongoing conversation with one of my Facebook friends.


She asked me a series of questions about my “business”, my “pillar idea”, and my “offer”.


I couldn’t answer any of them. Because I simply have no clue.


I don’t even feel like I have a “business”. And I certainly don’t have a pillar idea or an offer.


And here’s the weird thing. I’m totally okay with that.


Because I know that I am becoming. And I know in my heart of hearts that all of this will be revealed to me at the right time.


Until then, I wait patiently and without worry, secure in my certainty.


And let me tell you, that’s a fucking weird state of affairs for me,.


I do not sit idly by and wait. I freak out. I go. I grasp. I plead, I cajole. I settle.


It’s who and what I’ve always been.


Panicking at the idea of not having everything together.


Before this process began, I would have felt deeply inadequate at my friend’s line of questioning.


Not because she said anything wrong. But because I didn’t have the answers for her.


And I HAVE to have all the answers. It’s the only way I feel competent and in control.


I’ve always been the go-to girl. The one with all the answers.


Well, I’m giving that girl up. I’m retiring her. She wears me out.


And I feel emotions that aren’t healthy for me when she’s in charge.


You know what? Not knowing everything is okay. It gives me anticipatory tingles and I kind of like that.


Now, I’m not clueless and living in a fantasy world.


The reality of all this woo-woo shit is that I still have to earn a living. Unfortunately, I haven’t found the ever-elusive money tree quite yet.


But I’m okay for now. I don’t have to figure everything out today.


I don’t have to know everything.


I’ve got some ideas I’m implementing. I’m considering some more.


And I’m also applying for jobs.


I’ve got it covered.


And I’m not freaking out. I wish I could explain what an emotional triumph that is for me.


Let’s just suffice it to say that I love becoming. I highly recommend it.




Sending you all so much love,

❤️ Alissa



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