"You're Just Too Much!"
The first time it had an impact on me was coming out of the mouth of my beloved high-school boyfriend, Dennis. (Ahhh, Dennis. ❤️❤️❤️❤️)
“You’re too much, Lis.”
I wasn’t. I was just too much for him.
But I was young and inexperienced (and deep in the throes of my first significant love), so I internalized his statement. And thought there was something wrong with me.
And so it began.
The tamping down of my large, vibrant personality to be what I thought others wanted. I was convinced that my authentic self was not acceptable, or loveable, or trustworthy. Or right.
It set up a terrible disconnect that lasted decades.
I made my decisions from this place of what I thought others thought I should be. I desperately looked outside of myself for my validation. And trusted others’ judgment over my own.
You can just imagine how that went, right?
I lived my life in lack, scarcity, fear, and overwhelm. Never trusting myself, or my own good instincts.
The last time it happened, I got fired from a job I really liked, and I was good at.
Why? Because the office manager thought I laughed too loud. And I didn't have a sophisticated palate. And I couldn't read her mind to produce the exact website she wanted. The reality was that I was just too much and not right for her and she had enough sway over the owner to get me fired. So she did.
At that point, there was a visceral shift in me.
I had a "I am fucking done" moment.
I drew a line in the sand and firmly decided that no one was ever going to have the power to take away my livelihood on a whim again.
Every day since then (and it’s been years now), me and my great, big personality have been forging ahead in the world.
I’ve learned to trust my own judgment. I’ve learned that I have enormous worth in the world. I’ve learned that I’m not wrong because I have a different opinion or a different reality.
Most of all, I’ve learned that all of us “too much” people are the trailblazers, lighting up the world in our wake. And the world needs us exactly as we are.
Are you “too much”, also? Hit reply and tell me about yourself.
I can’t wait to meet you!
Sending you all so much love.