Are You a People-Fixer?
I used to be. I was always determined to make others "see the error of their ways". i.e.; the ways in which they thought, felt, or believed differently from me and why they were wrong
What utter bullshit.
I had no right (or responsibility) to try to change anyone else's belief system.
(Two major caveats here: Minor children and abusive situations. Obviously, it's a parent's or guardian's job to shape their children and in no way, shape, or form, am I inferring that any type of abuse is simply a difference of opinion or belief. )
First of all, who am I to say my belief system is better? Or more enlightened? Or any of the other crap excuses I may have used.
Second of all, why put that kind of pressure on myself? Who appointed me the arbiter of all things?
Well, I guess I did.
Why would I do that?
Here's the answer: Because it takes the focus, and the pressure, off me.
And here's a little truth nugget: Whatever it is you're reacting to in someone else is something you probably need to work on in yourself.
Case in point. My husband's nickname is the Mosey Man. Trust me, he earned it well.
You cannot rush this man. He pushes back hard.
Nevertheless, I tried for years. It never ended well.
When it became obvious that I wasn't going to be able to "fix" him, I started questioning why I was trying to.
If he wanted to take 5 minutes to look at all the tea on the grocery store shelf, why did that bother me so much?
If he wants to stop and read a sign on one of our walks, why do I need to rush him through that?
In taking a long, hard look inward, I discovered a couple of things:
I rush through life. It's challenging for me to slow down and take a breath sometimes. And...
I'm a bit selfish. I'd prefer to have everything go the way I want it to.
It's not about him at all. It's about me. And my self-awareness.
But it's much easier to digest if it's about him. There's no risk there.
And so it is with most of our "fix-it" projects.
I challenge you to take that step back and see if you can find some greater truths about yourself the next time you want to "fix" someone.
I'd love to know if this resonated with you! Drop a comment below or hit reply and send me an email.
Sending you all so much love. ❤️ Alissa